The Daily Quark: Always First With The Obvious

Here at The Daily Quark we grasp with both hands our responsibility to bring you the knee-jerkingly obvious, presented as news.

Our award-winning coverage of the hedge funds scandals, for instance: People Everyone Always Thought Were Dodgy Turn Out, Inevitably, To Have Been Dodgy.

And our eye-catching coverage of the economic crisis, which took our reputation for being ‘wise after the event’ to brave new highs: Even Though Nobody Could Possibly Have Known This Was Going To Happen, How Come Nobody Knew This Was Going To Happen…?

Next week we start a ground-breaking retrospective, blowing open the sordid world of media and the cartel of woolly liberals who seek to bring down western civilisation by producing programmes like Antiques Roadshow and Country File. First part: Contemporary Comedians Who Are Paid For Their Brand Of Offensive, Edgy Humour May Sometimes Be Offensive. And Edgy.