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It’s a pain in the cracker thinking up new year’s resolutions. Here at Quark Inc., we take the pain out of the process by creating some for you. Why not go for a bulk deal, and buy your resolutions for the next five new years? Volume discounts available.
Choose your New Year's Resolution from:
1. Invent a new jam
2. Launch new ways of pronouncing own name and convince 80% of friends to adopt them, however ridiculous, by 30 April 2008
3. Promote campaign for worldwide ban on middle names
4. Save World - or failing that, save £5 a week
5. Cure flatulence, but refuse to tell anyone on the grounds it amuses small children
6. Do one thing different every day (but maintain horrendously high levels of tea-drinking throughout)
7. Take up smoking in flagrant defiance of government legislation and prevailing cultural norms.
Each resolution costs just £7.50 (incl P+P).
You’ll be glad your new year started at Quark Inc!
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3 comments:
I have a couple of friends who calls me "Seemorn", with a very false french although totally skewed twang. I quite like it and thing from hereon in that should be my name.
sure beats sinj.
Arrrrgh. And I thought I'd heard the last of 'Do Different'! What does 'Do Different' mean that 'Do Differently' doesn't? If yo' acquires my drift.
"Sorry, I'm not eating that. I don't 'do' sushi."
"No, I will not wear the sodding Santa costume. I don't 'do' red."
"I am mindnumbingly conventional. I don't 'do' different."
Why did we end up going to the university with the crappest, most illogical motto ever. I wish they'd done different and written it in Latin. Then at least most folks wouldn't understand it.
wcupyik
Si: that might catch on. You might be obgliged to twirl your non-existent moustache Poirot-like, but a small price to pay, I feel.
Szwagier: Good point about the 'Do Different' UEA motto. Always thought it sounded like a (rather self-defeating) threat: 'Oi. You. DO DIFFERENT. Nuff said.'
Woss wcupyik?
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