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Job titles: we’re not being imaginative enough. My friends, Something Must Be Done. We owe it to that bundle of unused business cards crunching in your pocket to develop their potential. It’s not enough to be a ‘Client Manager’ any more; our own personal brands demand more than merely ‘Services Operative’, or even the slyly deceptive ‘Publishing Executive.’
No, what we need to see on business cards is: ‘Saviour of the Planet (Mon-Weds only)’. Put aside ‘Business Manager’, let’s see ‘Product Panjandrum’. Forget ‘Internal Marketing Manager’, let’s have ‘Mission Statement Messiah’.
Failing that, perhaps we could go the opposite way and have refreshingly frank job titles instead. ‘Panic Merchant.’ ‘Consummate Politician’. ‘Director of Own Personal Ego.’ For the colleague on whom good ideas tend to snag, and never progress: ‘Ian Briggs, Corporate Barbed Wire Fence.’ For the fussy colleague who prefers detail over activity: ‘Rose Humphries, Niggle Tsar'. And for the colleague quick to snuggle up to senior managers when they heave into view: ‘Anthony Williams, Apple Polisher.'
Quark: you’re fired.
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4 comments:
Hello there. I can't think of job titles such as these without recalling Chris Morris' superb list of epithets for child abusers way back in 2000 or so:
"You're a slot badger. You're a two pin din plug. You're a bush dodger. You're a small bean regarder. You're a unabummer. You're a nut administrator. You're a bent ref. You're The Crazy World of Arthur Brown. You're a fence vole. You're a free willy. You're a chimney bottler. You're a bunty man. You're a shrub rocketeer."
I ask you, in all fairness, is that not a Nobel prize winning harangue?
Good God, yes! How many buckets of coffee did Mr Morris and friends get through to come up with that little lot? Worth creating a Noel Prize specifically for haranguing just so Morris could win it.
Great post - thanks a lot!
Is that a festive version of the nobel prize?
;)
Ha! Excellent. 'Once an Editor...'
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